Who Watches the Watchmen? a Dark Honest Review

Who Watches the Watchmen?  Hopefully, no one.

The Watchmen is an energetic, stylized movie that has its merits but ultimately misses the tone of Moore’s dark epic.

Between the huge studio battles, law suits and dozens of delays, fans had almost lost hope in seeing “Watchmen” become reality.  Personally, I wasn’t convinced that this movie should have ever happened.

Alan Moore’s graphic novel is a dark, cerebral, brooding experience.  The characters draw up a realistic portrayal of what caped crusaders might be like if they were real people – if the perfections that we take for granted in Superman and Spiderman were erased, and they were just like you and me.  We’re left with the deeply flawed, disturbed and perverted heroes you’ll come to know as the Watchmen.

Watchmen takes place on an alternate Earth where Nixon is president for life (one of the first signs the future is not going well,) America won the Vietnam War, and costumed heroes have been outlawed. “Watchmen” starts off with the explosive murder of Edward Blake (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Also known as the Comedian, Blake’s death is the event that sets the film’s most dynamically acted character, Rorschach (Jackie Earl Haley). A useful opening credits montage introduces us to the hefty cast of superheroes and their history together.  Pay attention, because if you’ve never read the graphic novel then there is a lot to miss here.

Ultimately director David Snyder bit off more than can be chewed.  The movie is infused with a Hollywood energy that isn’t befitting of the dark source material – the compromises made to the tone of the film are far more horrendous than those done to the plot.  Much adieu has been made about the changed ending, but I assure you that Snyder didn’t tack on a family-friendly ending.  The change that he made (I won’t spoil it) is one that actually improves on the graphic novel’s own final act.  Without being able to set up the proper Lovecraftian references of Moore’s seminal title, a giant squid monster might have been lost on your average moviegoer.

Instead we are left with a lot of action, a lot of characters, and not enough depth.  Further, the musical choices are often laughable – listening to “Hallelujah” while watching a costumed Owl (who owes Batman royalties) and a spandexed skank bump and grind elicited more than a few chuckles from my fellow moviegoers.  It’s been said that the perfect musical score is never noticed; it’s painful when one actually reverses the intended meaning of a scene.

Then again, maybe nothing could save that scene.

Ironically, the movie falls into many of the pits that the source material set out to satirize.  The action is a focal point of what was once a character-driven story, and while this is an “okay” entry into the superhero echelon of movies, those expecting the gravity and character-driven story of, say, The Dark Knight will be disappointed.

Overall Grade: B-

13 thoughts on “Who Watches the Watchmen? a Dark Honest Review”

  1. not going to lie im not going to see it. but i almost want to. ive been on a movie strike for 7 years….even though its sort of faded into just not going to the movies now.

  2. Why write off all movies? There are still some quality films out there, even if you have to look for them.

  3. i quite enjoyed it, but then again i haven’t read the graphic novel, either way it kept me interested, and i had a good time watching it

  4. What a freaking waste of my money. This is the worst movie ever. My partner and I have decided to boycourt Zack Snyder movies. People were walking out half way through the movie and I sat there hoping it will get better. What’s with the porno stuff? Ahhhhhhh F F F F F

  5. i haven’t read the Watchmen comic series, but i can’t imagine them packing any more into one movie even if they wanted to, which is good for me, makes me feel like i got my money’s worth

  6. That movie was very well done and a lot better than the preivous Synder film (300 -for anyone who likes that movie should have to be forced get a revolver fully loaded it empty the barrel then beat themself to death with the pistol itself.) The music chosen for the movie I think was well done. Be it the intro set to A very well picked bob Dylan song to the beginning of the climax with All along the watchtower from Sir Jimi. The action was there and VERY well done with the gore as an added bonus to the the power a superhero punches. The blue penis thing, get over it you mindless reatrds a go hump a door knob, it stayed true to the original comic and that pushed the envelope. The sex scene? i think was intended to be humorous seeing as the first time they went to have sex Nite Owl couldn’t get it up. Being a fan of the graphic novel and the film i have to say one flawl in this was that they left out Back story on Rorschach, in my opinion the most pivitol character in the story. Other than that the characters stories were there minus Rorschach and Nite Owl. And for the person posted as “Watchman Sux” here are some things i would like to say:
    1. You are retarded, Its Watchmen not watchman its plural, dumbass.
    2. continuing on the first statement, it would be boycott not boycourt, wtf?
    3. You were sitting there hoping it would*** get better not will*, you and your partner should learn tense.
    4. Go back to school, learn grammar, and read the graphic novel and then maybe you can appreciate a good movie when you see it.

    Thank you for your time. Please I recommend seeing this movie 9.5/10, and if you can see it in IMAX for the added affect.

  7. @James

    Thank you for feedback, but James there was no need to use such a foul language. That guy just left his review.

    I wrote watchman with intention and I did not use “e” for other reasons which I am not willing to share.

    But please watch your language and grow up.

    ps- I used it tags for typos so people can find it. Dude seriously, guys like you make me laugh, because you take internet so seriously..

  8. @Stumblerz
    No, i take ignorance and stupidity seriously. To be honest this was my first post on a blog over anything on the internet and you might have caught some misplaced aggresion. Most of it was directed at “watchmen sux”, honestly, is boycourt a typo? C’mon. Everybody is a critic but, not everyone can critique. And to be honest and very blunt, a person who is penis shy seriously should grow up its not like its going to attack you, i dont that was you but to tell me to grow up, thats a cause for arguement haha. I meant you no harm but when I put something into text for the world to see, I would put a little more effort into it even if I didn’t like it. I value your opinion and you know that i have the right not to agree. Sorry next time i will hold my tongue when speaking for that, I apologize. The watchman thing was not directed at you either. Thank you for your time to show me my faults and I will keep them in mind in the future.

  9. I just sat down to this steaming pile of random crap.

    now that said reasons why.

    1.the original novel was meant to be dark not this “watered down” if its meant to be dark leave it there.

    2.The movie had next to no rhythm, it was either fast paced , or slower than turtle you get the idea.
    it felt disconnected almost random at times.
    flopping back to the past , then back to the future.

    3. some of the characters where great like Rorschach (Jackie Earl Haley)
    brilliant . but others flopped like the limp noodle that i saw way too much of on mister manhattan.

    the poor tortured girl and her horrible life .

    please ive seen better drama in my local neighborhood.

    4.the movie had good violence and gore unedited is good but,
    some of the scenes were drawn out too long .

    5. To have done the comic justice and to have the detail they needed it should have been a 2 parter or 3 or no dice.

    before seeing this i had no previous knowledge to the comic.

    after going back to the comic i see typical Hollywood (cut and paste)

    leaving stuff out that would have made the movie great.

    A story is only as good as the person who tells it.

    On this note the director epically “failed” in rhythm and in portrayal.

    it would have been brilliant but ended up a steaming pile.

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